For as long as I can remember, poetry has been an outlet for me when I'm dealing with darkness, trauma, pain, tragedy, or suffering. Maybe it's because I was never allowed to have a voice as a child without it being a problem or maybe it's simply a gift from God. Heck, maybe it's gift from Him because I wasn't allowed to have a voice. Either way, writing is my release. It always has been. And I don't foresee a time where it won't be.
This poem came from a broken spirit that has been put back together many times by her Savior. Tonight was a night that I needed to be reminded that my brokenness isn't what defines me, but rather the glue that puts me back together. The healing journey of the OCD I battle has only just started, and while I've had moments of peace, I've also had moments where I feel like nothings changed. Nights like tonight. So as I cried big ugly tears while down on my knees before my God, I felt Him urging me to write this poem. I needed to write, I needed to get out what I was feeling. It wasn't something that could wait. The words needed to be said, and they needed to be said now.
Maybe they needed to be written tonight not just for me, but for you too. Maybe the urgency was just as much for you as it was for me.
I pray it blesses you. I have titled it, "You are Mine"
The light in me is dim.
Darkness surrounds me
And the walls are caving in.
The war rages
In the fight for my mind.
The intrusive thoughts invade me
I cry out to the Divine.
My Wonderful Counselor
My Holy, Prince of Peace.
Where did You go?
You said You’d never leave.
“I am here!” You said.
“I haven’t left you alone.
I am here right next to you
Seated high on My throne.
The darkness that surrounds you
The walls that are caving in
The war that rages…
It will never win.”
But how do I know? I ask.
I’m struggling to survive.
“I will carry you through this.
I bring the dead back alive.”
I am scared of these thoughts
Of who they say I am.
Will they rip me violently
out of Your loving hands?
These thoughts feel so real
Like I’ve already followed through
God, please, please help me.
Abba Father, I need You.
“I’m here, My child.
I will not leave you alone.
Turn back to Me
And I will lead you home.
I will not let you stumble,
I will not let you fall,
I am He who will sustain you,
Creator of it all.
I have ransomed you, My daughter,
I have called you by your name.
You are not who those thoughts say you are.
This is exactly why I came.
Walk beside Me dear one.
Please come and take My hand.
I will guide you throughout your life
And give you My promised land.”
The light is growing brighter now
I can feel it warm my soul
The pain and heartache I’ve suffered
Has surely taken its toll.
But I hear the voice of a Savior
Calling out to me
Wanting to lead me beside still waters
And give me His everlasting peace.
I may not know what tomorrow holds
But I know it’s in His hands.
I know that it is good.
Though I know not what He plans.
And when the darkness comes back
Trying to seep back in,
I have this sweet reminder
That I am not my sin.
I am His daughter,
A princess, and adored.
I am the one He came to save.
The one He gave His life for.
These intrusive thoughts
are nothing more
Than old, familiar lies
Seeking to destroy me
To see me to my demise.
But my God has opened His arms
And pulled me in so close.
He is here, I am warm,
And I am never letting go.
I will rest in the knowledge
Of His undying love for me
As I remember Him dying
Upon that broken tree.
And bursting forth out of that grave
That beautiful Sunday morn
Giving me the chance of a lifetime -
The chance to be reborn.
Father, thank You for being all I need
The One who sees me
As I cry out my plea.
“I am with you always,
Until the end of time.
No way you can escape my grasp.
I love you.
You are Mine.”
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