Hey there, friends!
It's been a while! I know it's been longer since I've done a podcast episode versus a blog post, but if you remember, back in April I wrote a post and did a podcast episode on stepping back from writing and recording. I had gotten to a point where I had allowed the enemy to convince me that if I wasn't writing or recording in the dead of night (which is literally the only time I have to myself in a day) that I wasn't loving God or His people well - that if I wasn't continuing to sacrifice myself, even to the point of sleep deprivation, that I wasn't pleasing God with my life.
Satan is clever, but his tactics aren't new. He was using scripture to make me feel guilty... "Jesus died for you, surely you can stay up for two more hours," "The Bible says to suffer for Christ, Rachael... surely you can suffer two hours more to spread the Good News."
And you guys, I believed that. I got so wrapped up in writing and recording that if I didn't do it I felt like I was letting God down, like I wasn't doing enough. But do you know that while yes Jesus died for us (and we do not make light of His sacrifice), and yes we are to suffer for Christ (not explicitly physically btw), Scripture also says...
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
"He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. (Psalms 23:2-3)
"Let's go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.” He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’t even have time to eat." (Mark 6:31)
"And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation." (Gen 2:1-3)
Point blank, friends: RESTING
matters to God!
I think as Christians we get caught up in feeling like if we're not doing it all then we're not doing enough for the Kingdom. If we're not serving every weekend, making a new post about Jesus every day, sharing scripture, giving weekly, sponsoring a child in a foreign country, volunteering in the community and going on missions trips, that we're not making disciples. And it's just not true! A life of "busy" doesn't make us more fruitful, it makes us tired, frustrated, stressed, and quite frankly, at least in my case, bitter and and resentful.
When I chose to step back from writing and recording it was because it became abundantly clear that even though I was writing about God and His goodness, I wasn't doing it for God because of His goodness. I was doing it to silence the enemy and say "See! I can do it all." And once I realized that, pulling away from this space, the podcast, and even being on the Womens Ministry teaching team at my church became necessary. I had let pride and Satan take the pen and God became the subject of my story, not the Author.
So with all the being said, you may be wondering, so where's the update? Ha! Check out this cute picture of my babes petting sweet goat first, and then I'll tell ya.
The update is this...
After I made the choice to pull back, I had told myself I was going to "get back to God." That was, after all, why I had said I was pulling back. I was going to let God refine me so I could come back fresh and ready to go, but honestly friends, that's just not what has happened. And if I continued to live in the mindset of "let God refine me and then I'll speak" I'd never write or speak another word. I think what I'm learning the most is that it's not so much about pulling back to be refined, but rather it's about pulling back to rest. The refinement comes with the stillness, with the rest. I need to learn how to rest and in whom to rest. I'd let my identity become what I was doing rather than who I was because of Whose I was.
Now let me just be clear, I struggle to rest. Driver OF the struggle to rest bus? Hiya. That's me. How you doing? When I pulled away from this space I THREW myself into my responsibilities as a mother and wife and over the last month and a half I've been dealing with the same lies from Satan that I was over the podcast and blog. The only difference is, I can't just walk away from my husband and children. PLUS, I'm pregnant again, so there's no leaving this space. But... I need to and am learning to create space to rest within the space of these beautiful roles God has given me in this life.
I am learning that my identity does not rest in being a wife, mother, blogger, podcaster, daughter, friend, Bible study teacher, nursery volunteer, coffee lover, Harry Potter crazed fan, and yoga doer. It rests in Him. And being someone who struggles to rest, it's also a struggle to remember that I'm not what I do, that I am my own person created by God to be in relationship with Him.
Friends, I'm making disciples every day. They're 5, 2 and currently 14.5 weeks gestation. I'm doing what God has called me to. Writing and recording are gifts and an outlet that I feel blessed to have been given, but in this season, my ministry is in my home. And that is okay. I don't have to be it all and do it all for everyone. I'm not God. And you aren't either.
My reminder to you is this... God is pleased with you because you are HIS. He loves you because you are HIS. You are not any less loved by God because you haven't checked off all the "good works" on your list. Yes, grow in your faith. Pick up your Bible, learn about His love, get involved in community and serving if it's within your ability and you feel lead to do so, but don't do it because you feel like you HAVE to to be one approved of by God.
He loves you.
Whether you're preaching on a stage, working at desk, standing at the bedside of a patient, working construction, managing a store, stocking shelves, or wiping your babies butt while up to your eye balls in laundry... Jesus loves you.
So there's my update. I'm still a mess and desperately still in need of my Savior but I know I'm loved and seen by Him. I'm trying to rest more and let go of the need to have everything be "just so." I'm still trying to figure out how this space looks in my life, but for now it seems random, and I'm choosing to be okay with that. I believe in a good God who understands my heart better than I ever will and will use my life to be a light to others, whether it's to my little disciples in my home, the community that surrounds me, or the world at large. All I know is that what matters most is that I come back to rest in Him - to rest in the One space my heart and soul can truly be at peace.
And you can do that too.
Until next time
(whenever that may be),
Comments