This past Saturday morning (at 3:45am) my husband and I drove an hour and a half to get a new puppy. When we got home, our oldest daughter was sick, vomiting and running a fever. Our youngest was still getting over a cold. Two days later, on Monday, I woke up sick. In 48 hours our life went from healthy and peaceful to a chorus of coughs and chaos. I quickly found myself becoming angry and frustrated over my circumstances. I then chose to release that anger and frustration on my children. When they chose not to listen and misbehave I had zero issues telling them how angry they were making me, how wrong they were for disrespecting me and how they needed to be the ones to “straighten out their attitudes.”
All the while, Satan was laughing and having a field day knowing that he was causing division between me and my children. Because the longer I stayed angry, the better grip he had on my heart.
Back in 2014/2015 when I was walking through depression, my anger manifested itself in a way that made me think I was capable of killing myself or other people. I have experienced a lot of pain and heartache throughout my life and was often told to keep those things quiet, to not be “dramatic,” and to just move on with life as if nothing was wrong - to just be okay. So anger being the feeling that manifested along side of crippling fear made total sense. And so when those very vivid, detailed thoughts of hurting myself or those that I love with my whole heart would enter into my awareness I would panic - literally. Anxiety would grip me, my breath would escape me, and I would be inconsolable and unable to move.
By the grace of God and His faithfulness I overcame that depression, those thoughts and the debilitating anxiety. But that doesn’t mean that Satan hasn’t still tried to use those same tactics to get to me. He knows it’s worked in the past, so why wouldn’t he use it again? Especially now that I have children. Satans ways aren’t new. Since The Fall, in the garden with Eve, his ways are deceptive. Make people believe they’re worthless, unable to change, unloved and unredeemable by their Creator.
Coming back to today, I woke up angry. My children started off the day fighting with each other, whining and complaining.
And I was done. Before 9am, I was done with the day.
But the day progressed regardless and so did my anger. I got to a point this morning where I was so angry that, as I was washing dishes, those thoughts from my past, those thoughts straight from the pits of hell, entered into my mind.
But the joke was on Satan.
What he meant to cripple me, God used once again to draw me to Himself. As soon as that thought to hurt my daughter came into my mind, I stopped in my tracks and started speaking out loud telling Satan he had to leave. Over and over in Jesus name I commanded him to leave and made it clear he wasn’t welcome in my heart or my home - that who I was wasn’t who I am today and that his old tricks won’t work on me anymore.
And in that moment, I physically felt the anger leave me and the peace of God fall on me. See, I’d been praying before that asking God to be with me and help me, but then I’d just try to fix it myself by avoiding that which I needed to face. I wasn’t making space for God to come in and actually make a difference in my life. But once I realized the grip Satan had on me and called on the name of my Jesus to step in and remove Satan from my heart and home, change happened.
Here’s the thing though, while change definitely happened in my heart, change in my circumstances didn’t. I’m still sick, my kids are still getting over their sickness, they’re still not listening super great, and the puppy is trying to eat everything he’s not supposed to (including his own frozen poop). But I’m not angry anymore. And that is because of the power of our God.
His word tells us, “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Philippians 4:8
And Paul also reminds us of how it’s possible to be content, regardless of circumstance in Philippians 4:12-13… he says, “I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”
It is through His power and His strength that I was able to recognize the presence of the enemy in my life. And it was through His power and His strength that despite my circumstances being unchanged, I am now content in where I am.
So as often as you call on the name of the Lord, cast out the enemy because he cannot stand in the presence of your Savior.
All my love,
Rachael
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